"Make it Work"

Moving down here has been a huge life change for me. My whole support system has changed. I've had to re-evaluate simple things. For instance, I recently got a 'new to me' phone from Albert. I gave my sister my old one because she needed a phone for the bus ride, since she forgot her charger. She went through the phone and copied the numbers down for me. She said the name and I replied with either 'keep' or 'no.' I was really proud of myself, I let go of a lot of numbers(people) that didn't mean anything to me. Its important to only hold onto stuff worth holding onto too. Know the worth of people and know your worth also. Honestly, everything is changing and it's good though, to be thrust into a new environment and told "make it work." 

I'm so excited about the Project Runway premiere tonight. I feel like I'm getting old because I have my 'shows.' Currently, its Mad Men which is the fucking best and if you're not watching it you're missing out.

PR is the second show that I schedule time for. I love fashion and I love drama, yay!! So in case you forgot, PR is on lifetime again this season and hopefully the season won't all be about Heidi.  Here's some of my favorite designers:

 

moschino

  

etro

givenchy

    

  

prada

    

proenza schouler

La Pantera

This entry is all about my cat.

I love my cat (almost) more than anything. I'm so glad that I was able to bring her with me and that she's been okay. I was worried that she might not make it her, or that possibly she would get eaten by a gator. That hasn't happened...yet! She does seem to be adapting to her surroundings quite well. Yesterday, my dad called her 'la pantera negra.' Of course, I had to think about it before, I realized that he was calling her a black panther. I have immediately taken to calling her la pantera. It just fits. Even though, she's a bitch and will only come when I yell 'Saaaaaadie"

Suck it up, darling..

   Today, while walking back to my chair on the beach, this tiny old lady stopped me. She said, "sometimes, it helps if you suck in your stomach and squeeze your butt, it looks better." I smiled and graciously thanked her. How often do you get advice from a lil old lady shorter than me (I'm 5'2). She was wearing an old two piece bikini and her hair was wrapped in a floral scarf. She was adorable. As, I was walking away she told me to be her inspiration, and that I was beautiful.  I bet that lil old lady had some amazing stories...

I still can not shake my smile.

Hiring Restriction

I won't be working for the city of Jacksonville, anytime soon. It seems that they're under a hiring restriction with an unknown date as to when it will be lifted. Oh well, I probably didn't want to work for the city anyways.  I've been applying for a least 2 different jobs per day. Still, no bites on my resume.  My daily activities have been sporadic based on whatever my mood fits. Also, I've been waking up around noon everyday. I need to change my life patterns.

Things to do while I'm unemployed:

I need more things to do, maybe I should take up knitting. Oh, and in case your curious, the last blog entry didn't do anything except provoke a passive-aggressive status on fb. That was the only public defense to their actions. This is my passive-aggressive response.

 I whole heartily endorse blunt cards, for those "bitch, please" moments...


I called my grandma today. For some reason, she's the only person that I can talk to hours with. While, I was on the phone with her, I cried a little. I haven't really cried much at all, since I've been here. I miss her and my family a lot. I wish my sister would've stayed with me. Right after she got on the bus, she tweeted that she had made the wrong decision. That really broke my heart. I hope she eventually comes back to start a fresh life here. 

DRAMAAAAA

 I've been trying to get a hold of my ex-roommates to get some $ from them. They owe me $150 bones. It doesn't seem like that much, but for a poor college grad it means a lot.
I've been debating on whether or not to put this in the blog, but fuck it. You fuck with my finances and act like a child, then I'm going to call you out on it.
To clearly illustrate the problem, heres a screen shot of the fb messages that I've sent them...

I sent the last one on the 18th, as you can tell and I haven't heard anything. I know that once I publish this, they definitely won't pay me, but I have a feeling that I never had a chance in hell at getting my money. It's really annoying though, cause I know that if I had made a agreement with someone like that, that I would be an adult and pay up. It seems simple to me, but I guess to them its easy to write me off because they don't like me.   I think that not paying me, says volumes about their characters. Anyways, I had to get this off my chest, because I feel like their behavior is ridiculous and disrespectful. You could say some things about me, for writing this entry, but honestly, I don't give a fuck. I have sat back and accepted poor treatment from them for a long time.   This isn't about those times though, this is about money and respect..
 

Ask for directions...

Living in a new area means a lot of things, one big thing that is often overlooked is directions.  I have already been lost in this city several times. Everything ends up looking famaliar and some of the streets go on forever. Cities that are close to the beach are weird. Basically, they're empty during the night cause all the night life is at the beach. One thing thats really different and caught me off gaurd was a lack of street lights. Instead of your standard green, yellow, red lights, Jax city just has flashing yellow lights that you drive right through.. this concept is pretty hard to grasp when one is not sober...
It's nice though, having a huge city to yourself. I ran around on Tuesday night with Misfit guy, his friends, and my sister. We ended up at this punk show in the middle of fuck nowhere. My sister looked so bright and shiny next to the dark atmosphere of the venue.  It was pretty bad-ass though.  Life just seems different here, when I was in Norman, I felt trapped in this bubble. Now, it seems my option are limitless.

Sister update: Currently, my sister has plans to leave next week via bus. I'm not sure how safe it will be but, its the cheapest way to get back, and she wants to get back as soon as possible. I love her to death, and want her to be happy and going back is what she wants. I think theres some comfort in the familiarity and thats really hard to let go off. It takes time to be able to let things go. Some, people will never be able to let go and explore...

Effing Sinkholes

So, kittens, I'm not sure if I've told you or not, but I'm TERRIFIED of sinkholes. It started earlier this year when all these reports started surfacing about sinkholes. Now, I think I've started to associate sinkholes with failure. I honestly think that a sinkhole can happen at any time. It will just open up and swallow me, and right now thats how my life feels. I'm really just floating along. I don't have any true job leads, and everything feels a little hard.

 There is one good thing, a boy.  It's been unexpected but welcomed. He's adorable and sincere. He's in school and has two jobs. And  he seems like a really good guy.   So, yeah, I'm a little happy.

Salty and Sandy

So, I've officially made it to Florida a couple days ago. The drive was ridiculous. But somehow, I managed to make it. I'm staying at my dad's right now. He has a three bedroom and lives alone, so theres plenty of space for me and my crap. The front room looks like box city. I've been on the beach everyday that I've been here and it feels like home. Sadly though, when I get my own place, I'll most likely live in the city. Jax is about 30 min away from the beach, so it won't be too bad. I'm just whiney because I'm so incredibly close right now, its seriously a 10 min drive to the beach.

I've been pretty focused on getting a job. It's really important, but my job efforts have been half-assed I have to admit. I want to live without any obligations for as long as I can... which will probably end in 2 weeks. My bills are piling up!

The big thing that I'm worried about it my sister. She has the option to stay in Florida, to start a new life and I feel that she won't because of a boy. Her home situation in Oklahoma is awful, to say the least. My mother doesn't have the time to give her adequate attention and most of the time my sister spends time with the boy. Its a really bad situation, and I don't want to get into too much detail. The short story of it, is that she needs to start fresh somewhere. Its just heartbreaking because I can tell that she wants to stay and that she loves it here, but this boy has her wrapped around him and its just awful. Most likely, she will go back to Oklahoma... and things will end in heartbreak... thats the natural circle of life...

M.I.S.S.I.S.S.I.P.P.I.

I'm only half way to Florida. Its been a long drive so far. Traveling with a cat and a 15 yr. old can make for some interesting moments. Mostly, its been good though. My cat isn't really that bad,she just sleeps a lot during the drive, really the only thing she can do. I tried to put leash on her and that did not work well. She tore off her collar and made a slow jog toward the fence dividing the rest area with the highway. She wanted to commit kitty suicide!!

So, my sister came up to Florida with me without a way to get home. Possibly, irresponsible on my part for taking her out here, but I honestly thought it would be good for her. Last night, she couldn't find her cell phone charger and all hell broke out. She soon decided that she didn't even want to be here. Part of the anger she feels stems from her ex in Tahlequah texting her every 5 minututes saying everything from "I miss you" to " you kissed some guy 3 years ago and thats gross and awkward"  Did I mention that this guy is 18??
That's really frustrating, but I also know how dependent we can all be towards significant others. During my last break up, I was a wreck and that lasted for a hot minute. So I'll give her time and just pray that the ocean will help cure her woes.

God hates us..

Instead of grilling hamburgers to celebrate our Independence, Normans are stuck inside watching movies about 4th of July..        

   You can't really go wrong with Independence Day. Its got Will and that guy with the raspy voice... I always forget his name.   Maybe this is God's way of telling us that we are wrong for spending millions of dollars on fireworks that last 10 minutes. I think I enjoyed 4th of July celebrations a lot more when I was younger. I remember running around with sparklers and eating watermelons. Now, I drink and get invited to the occasional cookout. I wish I had enjoyed being 10 more, instead I was in such a huge hurry to be a fucking grown-up.

Maybe the sky will clear up and we can actually have an awesome firework show. Actually according to weather.com, the prime time would be between 8-10. Which is exactly when the show usually starts. I'm planning on biking over there at some point. Lets meet up and lay in the grass. I leave Monday around noon. It kinda freaks me out. Everything is packed besides some random crap. I really really hope that everything will fit in my little 5'9 trailer. Wish me luck!!!